Community News March 19, 2012
Mayor Chibble wishes to compare the condition of our roads with those of nearby East Liverpool, Ohio, which, according to Mayor Chibble, “would tax the powers of a Mars rover.” According to the mayor, “The roads in East Liverpool are a disgrace. I’d be ashamed to be mayor of that town. Many of the roads are impassable for anything but a tank.”
Rube Elder, Utopia Theater, says that unless patrons refrain from throwing peanut shells on the floor of the theater he will quit selling them, adding that in addition to the mess, the crunching disturbs other patrons when trying to watch the movie.
Curly Dowd states that he has discontinued production of Dowd’s Drop Cough Drops and wishes to thank the public for nothing.
Since several new residents have pet crows, crow hunting within the town limits is now prohibited.
Miss Tepniss of Boston has been visiting her aunt, Mrs. Minzel of this town. Though her lack of a left arm is undoubtedly a curiosity, the public has been requested to refrain from staring. Parents are encouraged to take extra care with their children. Miss Tepniss is an accomplished singer and will lead the congregation in Leaning on the Everlasting Arms at next Sunday’s morning services.
There is a room available at the Chibble apartments which Mayor Chibble says is perfect for singles, divorcees, or old folks.
Wilson Hahn, of Hahn’s Tobacco, is pleased to announce his annual Smokes for Folks Day to be held in conjunction with the National Free From Tobacco Day, April 13. Each customer will receive a free corncob pipe filled with the tobacco of their choice.
Ponder Keen
Nippy’s old coon dog Ponder lives on the crest of the ridge behind Nippy’s house, in a doghouse by the hedgerow that divides one field from another, just as you’d imagine from The Wind in the Willows or a Thomas Hardy novel. You can see miles from Ponder’s box and Nippy frequently uses it for a gun rest when shooting groundhogs. Ponder doesn’t like the shooting, though. He’s not afraid of gunfire but it disturbs his sleep and Ponder takes his slumbers seriously. Nippy named him Ponder on account of the way he always looks as though he’s thinking and considering, when he’s not sleeping, that is. (more…)
Gertilia Mayberry Ruins Pap’s Cigar
It seems unfair that Gertilia Mayberry burned her house down and my family and most of the town has to suffer because of it, but that’s the way things work, especially when Aunt Ada and her virtues are nearby. It doesn’t affect me since I live at the Imaginactory and don’t listen to her anyway but when I was at (more…)
