The Bible in the Bath Water
Curly Dowd hit a walnut with a baseball bat last week
and while he ended up paying for damages in addition to the fine, everyone agreed it was an impressive shot. He’s the best hitter Sycamore Shadows has had for years, though he lacks base-running intelligence and usually manages to get caught between first and second, typically during the late innings in a game of consequence. Abigail and Happy happened to be nearby when Curly hit the walnut and Happy estimated it was on a trajectory to reach five or six hundred feet if it hadn’t been stopped by the third-floor window of Freese’s (more…)
Bibliomania. 2012 Egg tempera on panel, 23 x 15 x 21 x 13 inches.
The character books are, from left to right…never mind. Try to figure them out on your own. If you really want to know, message me through the contact page and I’ll send the answers.
Community News March 26, 2012
Elizabeth Clump will have a garage sale this coming weekend, April 6-8, to dispose of her late husband’s effects. Tools, firearms, fishing equipment, and an extensive collection of polished rocks will be available. The Sisters of Ruth Cross Stitch Club, of which Mrs. Clump is a member, will provide refreshments.
The Sons of the Battle of Little Beaver will meet at Sotty Hoff’s Pub on March 30, 6pm, to discuss the upcoming Carrie Sanderling Festival. All citizens are welcome to attend this important meeting.
Miss Ada Sanderling will hold a prayer meeting at the Sanderling Mansion next Sunday evening. She says that the recent prank in which the Minuteman Statue was clothed in women’s lingerie is indicative of the general moral decay of this town, which according to her, should be called Nineveh. Anyone attending is requested to bring candles.
Curly Dowd would like to charter a bus again this year for a Pirates game and wants to know who is interested.
Wilma Flair reported that she had her laundry hanging outside on the line and someone turned all the clothes inside out while she was napping.
The Sycamore Shadows Uringineers begin spring training next week. Anyone wishing to try out for the team should bring their bat and glove.
Community News March 5, 2012
Cleb Bowman says he is finished remodeling his house and his dumpster is only half full. Therefore, anyone with extra trash is welcome to use it.
Miss Ada Sanderling complains that the neon sign at the Imaginactory shines through her window at night and keeps her awake. Craig Wetzel, owner of the Imaginactory and great-nephew of Miss Sanderling, says that her bedroom is at the back of the house and the sign is hardly visible from the front. Officer Penrose considers the matter a family affair and refuses to take action.
Mayor Chibble says that the recent local campaign “Keep it in the Shade,” has been a great success. Most retailers have reported significant increases in sales and wish to continue the promotion throughout the year, though some business owners have expressed their reservations, saying that over-saturation could have the opposite effect.
Miss Hartwish wishes the public to know that she and her camera will once again be available on selected weekends this summer. Please stop by her booth in the city park to have your tintype taken. Period costumes will be provided. Let’s all have our picture taken this year to encourage this young entrepreneur. I’m certain we’ll be seeing great things from her in the future.
With the fishing season fast approaching, we’d like to remind our sporting citizens that though Sycamore Shadows does not recognize current game laws and will do everything possible to shield residents from prosecution, individuals are still subject to state laws if caught. Therefore, we encourage all fishermen to be watchful. Citizens are admonished to be good stewards, never wasting game and keeping only what they need for the table.
Community News Feb 6, 2012
Minister Roy Peche of Nashville will be the guest speaker at the Church of the Lost Flock this next Sunday, February 12, 2012. The title of his timely sermon will be How to File Your Taxes Without Losing Your Soul. Tax forms will be made available after the services. Minister Peche will be on hand to answer questions and provide free copies of his pamphlet Render Unto Caesar.
The town band will meet at Dulcet’s Music Store Thursday, Feb. 10 at 6pm to discuss the upcoming performance season and maintenance of the gazebo. As several members have expressed the need for new uniforms, a representative from The Uniform Emporium of Akron, Ohio will make a brief presentation of the styles available. All band members are urged to attend this meeting.
The annual cemetery clean-up day has been tentatively scheduled for March 17, 2012, in preparation for the 2012 tourist season. In addition to laborers, skilled stone-straighteners and lichen-scrapers are needed. Refreshments will be provided by the Girded Loin Restaurant. Let’s all work together to make the cemetery a special place we can be proud of!
Mayor Chibble would like to remind citizens that they are requested to remove all road kill from the streets for which they are responsible. According to Mayor Chibble, Sammy “Blue,” who does not own a car, has had to remove one opossum and two fox squirrels from the road near the bridge. If you kill a dog, please take it with you and let’s work together to make our streets presentable.
Sale at Angel’s Rest Funeral Home
Otto Hopp, Director of the Angel’s Rest Funeral Home, is pleased to announce their annual winter sale. All scheduled funerals will come with free announcement printing [1], one medium bouquet [2], and a gift certificate good for two free desserts at the Girded Loin Restaurant [3]. The special will run through the current sickly season, expiring on the first day of spring. Due to the number of patrons who scheduled funerals up to fifty years in the future during last year’s sale, Mr. Hopp has stipulated that the services must take place before the first day of spring or that payment must (more…)
Sycamore Shadows Yearbook Now Available
This e-book is free to all the wonderful Imaginactory subscribers. Let me know which reader you have and I’ll e-mail it to you.
Little Bull Burson
“Little Bull” Burson was a youth of much promise before falling from the second-story Burson living quarters’ window and landing on his face. In fact, he was bound to be much smarter than either of his parents and “Big Bull” had hoped that his son would one day take over management of The Burson Company, which is Burson’s Hardware. The unfortunate fall resulted in Little Bull being mentally damaged and twisted his features somewhat to the right, except for his nose, which pretty much stayed where it had always been, though now there was an eye directly above it. And so he has been barred for life from using power tools, an even greater tragedy for the son of a hardware store owner, especially since Little Bull has a thriving business of his own, making and selling knotty pine knickknacks for which Big Bull, who never leaned out a window, does the cutting, the drilling if holes are needed, and the gluing as well since Little Bull eats glue like I eat pudding. The only things he is permitted to use unsupervised are 220 grit sandpaper, steel wool, and tack rags, all of which he dislikes both the taste and texture. (more…)
A Christmas Story, or How Gertillia Backslid
Gertillia Mayberry backslid one Christmas Eve. Aunt Ada considered her a close friend before the conflagration but afterwards said she had suspected Mrs. Mayberry was a closet sinner, prone to works of the flesh when no one was watching, including a bit of tippling on certain occasions, though she did concede that Gertillia kept her eyes closed during the prayer. Aunt Ada keeps close watch on folks during the prayer, habitually making lists of anyone with their eyes opened, to the extent of putting stars beside the names of people bold enough to send text messages. She gives the list to the elders out of love for the many souls heading the broad way that leadeth to destruction. According to Aunt Ada, she wishes everyone would (more…)
Heritage Chickens
Abigail Padden is always uncovering interesting things at the Imaginactory. The other day she found a box of film, some of it dated as early as the 1920s. Unfortunately, quite a few of the reels have deteriorated beyond redemption. Still, there are at least 40 which seem to be in good condition and it is our plan to eventually convert the footage to digital after attempting to discover the film maker and how the collection came to the Imaginactory. Abigail did successfully convert a short clip from one reel, which I now present to the public. As for the clip itself, I know nothing but being an artist I naturally presume all chickens exist to provide paint for egg tempera.
Cornucopia Prym
Mom always said the Roderick and Karen Pryms were hippies and first consummated while camping in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, beneath towering hemlock trees by a gurgling brook and so Mrs. Prym, who had been Miss Sykes when they entered the mountains, came home with child, though she didn’t know it yet, and they named their daughter Appalachia Brook Prym, since Blue Ridge wouldn’t work. Mr. Prym suggested Hemlockia but Mrs. Prym, who knew her classical Greek, said a person so named was bound to commit suicide. Mom thinks Appalachia is a beautiful name and makes her think of Mountain Laurel, the smell of pine, and the sounds of a clear-running stream full of speckled brook trout, but everyone at school called her Cornucopia.
Sycamore Shadows Yearbook
The imaginactory is pleased to announce the forthcoming publication of the Sycamore Shadows Yearbook for 2011, a compilation of every post relating to the town and its citizens published in the past year. The book will be available free to all subscribers of imaginactory.com and for .99 to everyone else. If you’re cheap, subscribe. It will be published in formats compatible with the Nook, Kindle, iPad, and most other readers. (more…)
What Price Your Soul?
John Blue’s brother, whom everyone calls “Old Man” Blue even though they’re twins, hadn’t been to church for two, maybe three years, so there was a flock of raised eyebrows when he walked down the aisle this past Sunday morning. The last time he attended there had been such a commotion on account of his snoring that he was given an ultimatum by the elders: either repent or embrace sin and quit attending altogether, which, though none of them would have admitted it, was what they secretly hoped would happen. It always seemed to me he’d embraced it already, church services or not. (more…)
Falling from the trestle
Although the Fredericktown trestle was dismantled quite a few years ago, many citizens remember having heard the story of Jessup Sanderling and what happened when she lost her balance.
Our Illustrious Tree
Ohio has always been known for its abundant Sycamore Trees but the most famous example just happens to live in Sycamore Shadows.
Fletch Tuttle Killed
Fletch Tuttle has a bad habit which not even his wife knows about. Find out how it costs him his life.
Hip-hop Amish
Otto Hopp told Abigail Padden he saw Herman Yost on a cell phone one night, behind the Angel’s Rest,[1] talking to his second cousin from Lancaster.[2] According to him, Herman was asking about hard drives, or maybe it was software, but it something electronic. It sure wasn’t for his buggy. And speaking of the buggy: Cass Padden swears the Yost buggy has GPS installed, hidden under a blanket on the seat, powered by a battery pack. He said they passed (more…)
