Life in the Shadows

Ada Sanderling wishes everyone would engage in fervent prayer to the Lord while at worship services, if only to relieve her of the burden of reporting backsliders. She says it’s often surprising how many supposedly faithful members keep their eyes open, while many of the lukewarm close theirs and at least give the appearance of fervent prayer, but she isn’t there to judge, only to report.

An anonymous source tells me that progressive Amishman Herman Yoder has pinstriped one of his horses.

Due to scheduled repairs and maintenance, Cleb Bowman informs us that the town car will be unavailable this week. Bowman also says he will no longer take pets to the vet in the car. Several people have complained that it “smells of dog.”

When a romantic comedy highlights the marquee, you don’t buy popcorn expecting the unexpected, but I was pleasantly surprised by “The Pumpkin Man,” the tale of an unlikely romance in the godless world of pumpkin competitions. A disenchanted veteran of the fair circuit decides to enter one last pumpkin contest before he retires. Despondent after his personal pruner is decapitated three weeks before the competition, he befriends a homeless waif who has had to forgo a promising singing career because she is bi-polar and unable to decide between singing alto or soprano. I spoil nothing by writing that they fall in love and all ends well; in a romantic comedy, it’s the journey that makes the difference, and The Pumpkin Man is an enjoyable excursion. Scenes of violence frequent the film, but because most of the victims are people, the movie should be suitable for small children. Rated PG-13 for one disturbing scene in which a drunken housewife beats a pumpkin with a hammer. The movie plays through Friday evening at the Utopia. I give it three squirrels.

Matsuo Donatu is suffering from “baker’s block” and will close the Haiku Bakery for several days this week.

Nippy Keene says he’s shot six groundhogs from the toilet this year. And women think we do nothing but read.

Joe Ballard, Ballard Guns & Bibles, wishes to inform the public that his Bible stock is dangerously low, but he’s expecting a shipment soon and will have several new models for the Christmas shopping season. If there’s a Bible shortage, it’s probably because my Aunt Ada has cornered the market. I had dinner at her house last night and there’s hardly a flat surface in the place that doesn’t have a Bible atop it, all of them in unused condition. It’s like touring a hypocrisy museum.

Shady Glen says he wishes harm to no animal, but if a certain woodpecker doesn’t stay away from his sailboat, he’s going to shoot it. Local woodpeckers seldom get to drill teak, Shady.

Herman Yost recommends rotating fence rails when they show noticeable sag, even if it does make a fence appear subject to an upward gravitational pull.

In recognition of her late husband’s love of gardening, Gertillia Mayberry has transferred his ashes to a dried gourd. Everyone is welcome to stop by and see it.

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