Life in the Shadows

SYCAMORE SHADOWS, Ohio

AWE BRA UPDATE: Is there a female in Sycamore Shadows who didn’t wear an Awe Bra while ringing in the new year last week? It seems hard to believe that in a town of 500 citizens (nearly half of them men, most of whom don’t need a bra) Hibb’s Dept. Store has sold 817 bras! Curly Dowd, long considered the town idiot (oaf and buffoon are popular as well), is now lauded as a genius. An anonymous source says Curly may finally gain admittance to the Crawdad Club. (Not while I have a vote.) Curly says his “cup runneth over.” At least it’s a new pun.

Nippy Keene believes that electronic underwear is a dangerous trend, an opinion I share.

Regarding Curly’s recent success, Shady Glen makes this comment: “Folks gotta remember, he’s still Curly. I ain’t saying something will happen, but I ain’t betting against it.”

Minister Easter Westminster is pleased to announce that a world-famous evangelist, Master-Pastor Dr. Parnassus Wendlebright, has graciously agreed to address the Church of the Lost Sheep on Sunday, February 18 (the day before Abigail Padden’s birthday. Sorry, Abigail.). According to Westminster, “Verily, verily, not since Gideon Bowman preached the first sermon in 1849 has such an illustrious person honored this hallowed house of holy worship. I trust the flock will give him an unforgettable reception.”

Wilson Hahn informs me he’s never heard of the man. Happy Fohl, Homer Hundigger, and Cass Padden say the same. Add my name to the list.

Sammy “Blue” Bellhorn says, “If he’s like most famous preachers, hold onto your wallets and watch your wives.”

Greta Goblocks wants to know if anyone has a baby doll she can cut in half for her Bible class on Solomon.

John Worley says the Penobscot X-17, manufactured 1950-1963, was the best grave-digging shovel ever designed. He used it to dig graves for over 50 years, changing the blade twice and the handle only three times, and “regrets donating it to the Sycamore Shadows Museum if they won’t display the artifact.”

Willie Fimple says he saw a cloud that looked like his uncle, the one who caught himself on fire at the Aedre Day picnic and died trying to put himself out in Swinfish Lake. Though it has been 32 years since that tragic day, I still remember the headline in the Evening Shade: Stop, Drop, and Drown!

My good friend, Dr. Nicholas Andraca of Castoreum College, whose The Valley of Tales is the seminal work of Sycamore Shadows history and folklore, is not the first to have written of the surprising stability of our community. In an investigation conducted in 1969 by Dr. Frederick D’Accord, it was noted that the population of the town had fluctuated a mere 2.1% from 1810, the end of its initial period of growth, to the time of the study (pop. 528). A demographical survey of the town that has changed little in over two centuries of existence would be fascinating and rewarding.

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