Craig Wetzel's Imaginactory

Community News Dec 30, 2012

Craig Wetzel — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 01:00:55 +0000

Doc Ghesslet would like the public to remain aware of mental illness, keeping in mind that a significant percentage of the population suffers from one or another form of this invisible disease. He also says that what may be considered eccentricities in some of our citizens may have biological roots. Nippy Keen, Town Health Dept., wishes to disagree and regards local eccentricities, which he readily acknowledges, to be the result of what he so unpleasantly refers to as “social incest”: the result of an isolated population living in close proximity for several generations, therefore dissolving the common filters that prevent unusual behavior, though he concedes the remarkable ability of our citizens to embrace said eccentricities and unusual behavior while staying within traditional social and moral parameters.

Sotty Hoff’s Pub is pleased to announce that the newest batch of Verter Beer has been bottled and is ready for consumption. According to Happy Fohl, Proprietor, Miss Padden has outdone herself this year and is to be commended.

Miss Ada Sanderling wishes the public to know that she has an illness which has kept her abed these past two weeks but that she is still able to pray for the less fortunate. She hopes to recover within the next few days.

The manager of the Uringineers Baseball Club, has announced an important meeting this Thursday evening in the Coulter Building Ballroom regarding the construction of a baseball field in Sycamore Shadows next spring. The Evening Shade urges everyone to attend this important meeting.

Sammy “Blue” Bellhorn wishes to announce that he will have a great stock of healthy crayfish, minnows, and nightcrawlers for local anglers next year, and that prices will remain the same as long as citizens remain so generous in their support. Night fisherman are reminded to please be quiet when buying bait after 11 pm and to mark their purchase on the clipboard hanging inside the door. Ada Sanderling says perhaps the men of the town could find something more constructive to do than plan next year’s fishing expeditions in late December.

Community News Dec 23, 2012

Craig Wetzel — Mon, 24 Dec 2012 01:00:49 +0000

Elmer Flair, Flair Cleaners, says that ever since the Church of the Lost Lamb changed communion cups he’s seen a marked increase in neckties with grape juice stains and suggests men throw their tie over their shoulder when taking communion.

While remodeling, Cass Padden opened a wall which he is certain has not been disturbed since the house was built in 1940, and discovered a pair of ladies panties and a hockey stick. He says it makes a person wonder.

Charlie Sternwiess, Sycamore Savings Bank, says that rumors of an underground railroad era tunnel running from beneath the bank to Sanderling Park are untrue. He says that local sentiment was so strongly in favor of abolition that an underground tunnel would have hardly been necessary. He further cautions the public not to take Mr. Dowd and his divining rod seriously.

Ernie Stump, Stump’s Barber Shop, says he bought a new guitar for the shop which anyone is welcome to play while they wait.

Craig Wetzel, Imaginactory, says he saw a Louisiana Waterthrush near Sanderling’s Run, behind his building in Augsut and forgot to mention it.

Community News December 20, 2012

Craig Wetzel — Mon, 17 Dec 2012 01:00:12 +0000

Edwina Dulcet, Dulcet’s Music Store, is willing to trade music lessons with someone willing to mow her yard.

Sammy “Blue” Belhorn reports that several citizens drive much too fast over the bridge. He wishes to remind the public that it is a covered bridge, not a rifle barrel.

Doc Ghesslet says this will be a bad year for tics.

Mayor Chibble has announced that May 1, 2013 will be street-cleaning day. Due to confusion in past years as to which side of the street to vacate, the following schedule has been put in place: at 9 am every car owner with a vehicle parked on a city street is requested to stand with their car to their right, facing the front of the car. If you are looking north, please move your car. If you are looking in any other direction, you may return to your business. Volunteers with compasses will be available throughout the town to assist those unable to ascertain the proper direction. At 12 pm, do the same; only this time if you are looking east, move your car. At 2 pm, stand beside your vehicle once again, moving it if you find yourself facing a southerly direction. At 4 pm stand beside your car one last time. If you are looking west, move your vehicle. If you are not, your day is done. Mayor Chibble also wishes to remind the citizens that we still need several alternate street sweepers. Interested citizens may pick up a complimentary broom at Burson’s Hardware.

Nippy Keen, City Council, wishes it to be known that he believes the new street-cleaning schedule to be the most idiotic thing he’s ever heard.

Community News Dec 9, 2012

Craig Wetzel — Mon, 10 Dec 2012 01:00:52 +0000

Edna Minzel says someone who eats a lot of TV dinners keeps putting trash in her cans, therefore she hardly has room for her personal garbage. She wishes everyone would kindly use their own trash receptacles and reminds them that TV dinners aren’t healthy.

Andy Bollman, Postmaster, warns that wanted posters are government property and defacing them by drawing cross-eyes, beards and eyeglasses is technically a crime. Although he wouldn’t prosecute for what is obviously a joke, he wishes the perpetrator would stop.

Wid Coulter said he’s seen three falling stars this week and wonders if anyone else has noticed the same.

Cleb Bowman has decided not to plant a garden next year and wishes the public to know they are welcome to use his tomato stakes.

Wilson Hahn lost a hubcap on Kishwaukee St.

Mural Book Now Available

Craig Wetzel — Wed, 05 Dec 2012 23:13:59 +0000

Come Home and Remember

This book presents 50 of my murals of East Liverpool, OH and the surrounding area, along with accompanying text. Painted over a twenty-five year period, the book contains beautiful full-color reproductions of notable sights and places from a by-gone era: schools, potteries, restaurants, businesses, scenery, parks, and many more.

by Mary L. Tambellini and Craig Wetzel

77pp, 9 x 12,” alk paper, full color with fold-outs

Signed by the artist. $25.00

Now available for purchase through my Etsy store. E. Liverpool area residents may wish to contact me directly, unless you enjoy paying shipping costs.

Peeing from Trees

Craig Wetzel — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 13:30:36 +0000

When I was young there was a large maple tree at the end of our drive that had a perfect spot for sitting. Three large trunks split from the main stem of the tree and created something of a bowl in the middle; perfectly shaped for a boy and where I spent countless hours reading with my legs inclined on one trunk and my body against the other, leaving only room for a sandwich and the drink my mother would hand to me once I was comfortable. I remember, however, that she always insisted I leave the tree to pee, as it was quite close to the road, though there was a tacit understanding that no boy of worth could easily resist doing so. Peeing from a tree is one of a boy’s great delights and one which everyone physically constituted to do so should try at least once. It’s a sad fact that more than half of the human race can’t do it, and most of the others haven’t, except for me and a few scattered deer hunters and lumberjacks. To this day I rank peeing from a tree superior to peeing from a bridge, as well as more physically challenging.

The only place in which a person feels the same sense of solitude that one gets in a tree would have to be on a roof. When I lived at home I spent a lot of time playing the guitar on my parents’ roof at night, until I was forbidden access on account of tattered shingles. Friends would join me there as well and it wasn’t uncommon for Dad to pull the car into the drive and discover six or seven people on top of his house. As I would explain to him, using logic which I figured would be most effective, Bible folks were always on roofs; getting saved, healing lepers, breaking bread or just praying and supplicating, but that never seemed to sway him and we’d have to climb down to earth, Dad figuring we hadn’t been healing lepers or supplicating anyway. I also remember how enjoyable it was to throw my sister’s cat from the roof, especially if there was a filled wading pool below, but that’s less of a reflective activity and more of a sport than music or reading.

Community News Dec 2, 2012

Craig Wetzel — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 13:30:05 +0000

Dulcet’s Music Store is offering a seminar on building a gourd banjo. Contact the store for details.

Gertilla Mayberry says that a prankster turned down the flag on her mailbox, therefore Andy Bollman put the day’s mail on top of the letter she wrote for her sister. She wishes to thank the prankster for costing her a long distance call after she was forced to phone the recipe.

Ned Hammer wishes to inform whoever lost their frisbee on his roof that the recent rain washed it off and they may get it out of his garage.

Rube Elder says the popcorn machine at the Utopia Theater has broken down and the part will not arrive until Friday, therefore patrons are allowed to bring their own popcorn this week only.

Making Capt. Swinfish’s Bay Rum Aftershave

Craig Wetzel — Sun, 04 Nov 2012 12:55:01 +0000

Several years ago I was in the Orvis store in Manchester, Vermont, where I bought, among other important things such as a cap and fly-tying cement, a 10 oz bottle of Bay Rum Aftershave. I love it. It smells clean and fresh, the odor doesn’t linger, and it tightens the freshly-shaved face or, in my case, freshly shaved head. Tightens it like bongo drums. I don’t mean to imply that my head resembles bongo drums and I don’t need anyone tapping a beat on my cranium but a man likes a tight head after shaving. A month ago, my bottle ran out and I decided to make my own. After all, why should I spend $20.00 on a product which lasts three years when I can purchase the ingredients and make a year’s supply for $100.00? It smells good; similar to the product I bought but a little better because I put a few extra things in the mix. The ingredients are: Bay Oil, Jamaican Rum, Alcohol, and Assorted Spices.

It is said that seafaring men used it; mariners who worked the triangular trade, merchants who dealt in rum, plantation owners, so I decided to name it after the legendary pirate, Sir Swinfish, who sailed the seas in the early 18th century and was rumored, after having amassed enough riches for he and his men to live comfortably for the rest of their days, to have sailed his battered ship up the Mississippi and the Ohio, after which they supposedly drug the vessel a mile or so up a smaller tributary and into the woods, living a life of happiness. Unfortunately, the historical record gives very little information once they entered the Ohio country and the location of their ship, a holy grail for archaeologists and local historians, has never been found.

From the label: When you sack a town there’s only one chance to make a good first impression and that’s hard to do if you reek of bilge water. Captain Swinfish’s Genuine Bay Rum Aftershave is made from all natural ingredients in the centuries old buccaneer tradition – splash it anywhere you shave and feel the tingling freshness. From puberty to the gallows — impress the wenches with Captain Swinfish’s Genuine Bay Rum Aftershave. There’s no reason a pirate shouldn’t smell good.

Disclaimer: This product is not intended for consumption and the manufacturer is not liable for any death, dismemberment, or dis-figuration resulting from its abuse, nor does the manufacturer condone the act of piracy, the sacking of towns, or sexual abuse of ale-soaked wenches and whores. Manufactured and bottled at the Imaginactory, Sycamore Shadows, Ohio.

Making Walnut Artist’s Ink

Craig Wetzel — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 00:11:11 +0000

Each August, I begin to hear periodic thomps and bomps from roofs, dumpsters, and the car of anyone silly enough to park beneath one of the several black walnut trees located between the Imaginactory and Sotty’s. Nippy Keen gathers them for the meat, Ssnuff Tucker grinds them up for the husks to boil and coat his leg-hold traps, and I gather some to make walnut ink. For making ink, think rotten. Though green husks will eventually cook down, it’s much quicker when black, gooey hulls are used. They’re messier but if messy is a concern, my recommendation is to avoid black walnuts in general. While not necessary, you should also remove the husks from the shell and break the husks into smaller pieces. The more surface area of the husks you expose, the quicker the process will be and you can be certain of getting as much color as possible. Once again, it’s not necessary but it does make the process faster. If you add iron to the pot, the reaction between the tannin in the husks and the iron will help to darken the ink. Any iron will do, but I prefer tossing in several railroad spikes. So few recipes call for railroad spikes that you should never pass up the chance to use them. Once you have enough hulls for a large pot, cover them with water and boil. I usually keep mine at a low boil for around five hours, after which the ink should be ready. You may need to add more water on occasion but don’t add too much – you’ll just have to boil for that much longer to get the ink back to the correct depth and shade. I keep an inexpensive paintbrush handy and check the strength on scrap paper every half hour after the first three hours. When it is satisfactory, let it cool and then squeeze out as much liquid from the pulp as possible. To filter, any fine mesh filter will work, such as are available from home supply and paint stores. I have a reusable coffee filter that I place in a funnel that has been placed in a jar. Whatever filter you use, you’ll probably need to rinse it out several times as the pulp will clog it. Once the ink is filtered I add 5% by volume denatured alcohol to act as a preservative and 5% by volume Gum Arabic to increase flow and usability.[1] Some folks put theirs in a small canning jar and leave it go. Being an artist, I designed a label for mine and even put some in a 19th century stoneware ink bottle, just for fun and to give to friends if I find some.[2] I will have a supply available for sale on Etsy soon, made right here at the Imaginactory, which you will be able to purchase by following this link.

I frequently use walnut ink for sketching, carrying a small bottle and brush with me into the field. After roughing in the midtones with the walnut ink, I use a dip pen and India ink at home to add more detail and definition. I think the black of the India ink, the white of the paper and the warm midtones of the walnut ink make an interesting combination for a quick, vibrant sketch.

Ingredients

Walnut Husks
Pot
Strainer
Iron Railroad Spikes or pieces from a battleship.
Glass bottles with dropper[3]
Denatured Alcohol
Gum Arabic
Rubber Gloves

1. Do not use vinegar as suggested by some authors. It is acidic and will affect the permanency of your art. Walnut Ink also makes a wonderful stain, perfect for aging paper.

2. I prefer amber colored bottles to keep as much light as possible from the ink. The droppers are not necessary but do make using the ink more convenient.

The Bible in the Bath Water

Craig Wetzel — Sun, 07 Oct 2012 12:55:57 +0000

Curly Dowd hit a walnut with a baseball bat last week and while he ended up paying for damages in addition to the fine, everyone agreed it was an impressive shot. He’s the best hitter Sycamore Shadows has had for years, though he lacks base-running intelligence and usually manages to get caught between first and second, typically during the late innings in a game of consequence. Abigail and Happy happened to be nearby when Curly hit the walnut and Happy estimated it was on a trajectory to reach five or six hundred feet if it hadn’t been stopped by the third-floor window of Freese’s Grocery. Buzz Freese found the walnut in the corner of the bathroom, behind the toilet, next to his wallet that he’d been searching for all week. His wife, Shirley Freese, was reading her Bible in the tub when the walnut entered and the window being directly above her, was so startled by the commotion that she came out of the suds as the Good Book fell in, ran into the hall, slipped on the hardwood floor, and blackened her eye on one of the newel posts. Everyone got the scoop from Big Bull, who was on a ladder installing a ceiling fan between the aforementioned newel posts and was therefore in a good position to see the action as well as comment on several other things. Shirley stated in the police report that she also cut herself on glass shards while fishing her Bible out of the bath water. Buzz, who wasn’t pleased that Big Bull had seen his wife naked, said Curly should pay damages for the black eye, a new Bible (though that wouldn’t bring back thirty years of handwritten sermon notes in the margins), the window, a cleaning fee, two band-aids, and a fine for being an idiot. Nippy Keen was named arbitrator and ruled the tragedy an act of God, mostly because he couldn’t decide as to the monetary value of a bruise or the handwritten annotations. Nippy also said that fining Curly for being stupid would eventually bankrupt the Dowds. Aunt Ada stated she shuddered to think how many souls will be lost on account of Shirley not having ready access to her sermon notes, therefore being unable to rightly divide the word of truth. Curly said he doesn’t remember her saving a single soul anyway.