Community News Feb 20, 2012
Garbage collector Albert Sharpless would like to remind citizens that the town does not recycle and while he appreciates the care with which several citizens have organized and cataloged their garbage, it is still a waste of time.
Curly Dowd complains that though he has been manufacturing cough drops for over a year, no one has purchased a single batch and he knows quite a few citizens who have experienced bad colds in that period. According to Mr. Dowd, if business does not improve this winter he will discontinue his operation and cannot understand why the popular “Buy Local, Buy in the Shade” sentiment doesn’t apply to him. On a related note, both Doc Ghesslet and Ichabod Fingus, owner of Fingus Drug Store, restated their serious reservations about “Dowd Drops,” saying that the lozenges are manufactured of unknown ingredients under less than sanitary conditions, specifically, Curly’s garage.
Rube Elder, Utopia Theater, says that he will take no movie requests for the 2012 season after April the first. The season will open Memorial Day weekend when he presents a Buster Keaton Film Festival, with musical accompaniment by the Sycamore Shadows Band. Mr. Elder says that since The Godfather has been shown for nine years running, he will not screen it this year.
Willie Fimple has replaced the door hardware at Fimple’s Clothing and says there are 27 door knobs available free for anyone who will haul them away.
Doc Ghesslet wishes the public to know that the recent “pandemic” of bloody noses is to be expected in the winter months. He says ladybugs do not regularly enter nostrils, no matter what several citizens have stated, though he acknowledges the insects have, in recent years, become a nuisance.
Residents are once again requested not to discharge firearms after 9 pm.