Sale at Angel’s Rest Funeral Home

Otto Hopp, Director of the Angel’s Rest Funeral Home, is pleased to announce their annual winter sale. All scheduled funerals will come with free announcement printing [1], one medium bouquet [2], and a gift certificate good for two free desserts at the Girded Loin Restaurant [3]. The special will run through the current sickly season, expiring on the first day of spring. Due to the number of patrons who scheduled  funerals up to fifty years in the future during last year’s sale, Mr. Hopp has stipulated that the services must take place before the first day of spring or that payment must accompany a note from a doctor stating that the applicant is unlikely to survive [4].

1. Black and white only, with graphics chosen by the funeral home. Color printing, embossing, and other individualized changes will be billed at the usual rates.

2. Color and choice of flower is at owner’s discretion.

3. For use by spouses and immediate family members only.

4. Failure to die during the sale period will result in forfeiture of the down payment. Be certain you or your loved one are seriously ill before taking advantage of this offer.

When paying by check, the public is requested not to abbreviate “funeral.”