Mayor Chibble wishes to compare the condition of our roads with those of nearby East Liverpool, Ohio, which, according to Mayor Chibble, “would tax the powers of a Mars rover.” According to the mayor, “The roads in East Liverpool are a disgrace. I’d be ashamed to be mayor of that town. Many of the roads are impassable for anything but a tank.”
Rube Elder, Utopia Theater, says that unless patrons refrain from throwing peanut shells on the floor of the theater he will quit selling them, adding that in addition to the mess, the crunching disturbs other patrons when trying to watch the movie.
Curly Dowd states that he has discontinued production of Dowd’s Drop Cough Drops and wishes to thank the public for nothing.
Since several new residents have pet crows, crow hunting within the town limits is now prohibited.
Miss Tepniss of Boston has been visiting her aunt, Mrs. Minzel of this town. Though her lack of a left arm is undoubtedly a curiosity, the public has been requested to refrain from staring. Parents are encouraged to take extra care with their children. Miss Tepniss is an accomplished singer and will lead the congregation in Leaning on the Everlasting Arms at next Sunday’s morning services.
There is a room available at the Chibble apartments which Mayor Chibble says is perfect for singles, divorcees, or old folks.
Wilson Hahn, of Hahn’s Tobacco, is pleased to announce his annual Smokes for Folks Day to be held in conjunction with the National Free From Tobacco Day, April 13. Each customer will receive a free corncob pipe filled with the tobacco of their choice.
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